Finally got my internet humming in the room. I'm working on an unsecured wireless connection, but I'm not too worried. The Danes are a friendly people, and they wouldn't dare hack into my server and do whatever it is that hackers do. At least, that's what we've been told in our orientation seminars. All week long, we've heard nothing but blanket statements about the Danish people. "The Danes are very friendly, but shy." "The Danish people are very comfortable with their bodies." "Danes will not say 'Excuse me' if they bump into you in a public place." Normally I don't have any problems with stereotyping, if the stereotypes are true. But after several days in Copenhagen, I've learned that these generalizations about the Danish people are just plain wrong. However, I have noticed some common characteristics that appear to be shared by all the Danes I've seen and talked to, so I've developed my own blanket statments for these people and their culture:

- All the Danish men look like James Earl Jones, but talk like Joan Rivers, while all the Danish women look like Joan Rivers, but talk like Bobcat Goldwaith.
- Hot dogs are called "Baby Legs"
- Before asking for a cigarette, Danish women will always wink three times and vomit on your shoes.
- Most Danish ballerinas have tattoos of the fictional "Star Wars" planet Tatooine hidden underneath their tutus. These so-called "Tatooine-toos" are becoming increasingly popular among the punk kids.
- The Danes are a very illiterate people.

The program is looking good. We're getting along swimmingly with the other American students, the dorm room is large and accomodating, and the food - oh the food! It's fantastic! No, it's tanfastic! No, no... it's, ok it's just alright. It's fine. It's... it's fucking horrible. It really is bad. God I'm sorry, I just, I just wanted you to like me...

The following are some things I wrote down these past couple of days but couldn't post because I didn't have that inter-mabob-athingy:


Spent our first night in Denmark at the Ascot Hotel. I negotiated a free night’s stay by agreeing to walk around the city square donning a polka dotted ascot, posing as the Ascot Mascot. Jeff paid full price, like the Asscot he is.

Saw Jarhead in a multi-colored multiplex. The Danish subtitles allowed me to pick up some choice vocabulary. “Mine klunker” roughly translates to “my balls.” I’m pretty sure I can get by on that alone. Coincidentally, when we got off the plane in Copenhagen, a grizzled Danish woman in fatigues turned to Jeff and me and said, “Welcome to the exact opposite of The Suck.”

After unpacking and settling in, Jeff compiled a list of things we need:

- pillow
- wireless internet router
- bus/metro pass
- mobile phone

I’ve thought it necessary to compile a list of things we don’t need:

- gingivitis
- hoof and mouth disease
- bird flu
- the bad Hodgkin’s

Here's to everyone around the world, getting what they need, and not getting what they don't need. Cheers!