To clear up some fallacies from the last post...

The food is not terrible. In fact, Copenhagen is home to some of the best McDonald's in Europe!* They have these things called "Chili Cheese Poppers," and you get five of 'em for 10 kroner (part of their COINOFFERS - similar to our Dollar Menu). The Burger King holds its own too, and there are 7 Elevens on nearly every street corner - open 24 hours a day! That's every hour of the day!

Also, not all Danish guys look like James Earl Jones. Most of them actually look like Don from Napolen Dynamite. And that's the truth!

I've been too long in Copenhagen without mention of the womenfolk in this fair city. In a made-up word, they are unbefrigganipplizing. Never have mine eyes graced such beauty - the platinum blonde locks, tall and slender bodies, piercing blue-green eyes and junk in all the right places - and I'm just talking about the girls on the city buses! I haven't even been to the hot clubs or bars yet... Thor only knows what valhalla awaits me.

I'm convinced this is the birthplace of hot. All the blonde bombshells you know and love - from Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn to Farah Fawcett and Daryl Hannah to Pam Anderson and Danielle Grunwald - can trace their ancestry to the Germanic and Scandanavian peoples. Of course, that statement is made without any actual research or fact-checking, but it proves to illustrate my point which is - these bitches got it goin' on.

While these arctic foxes sure are pretty to look at, it takes more than a vicious eyefuck to get them to talk to you. That's why Jeff and I have been perfecting our icebreakers and pick-up lines. Jeff is sticking to his guns with, "Did you waterproof your Uggs?" I have chosen a non-conventional approach whereby I break a sheet of ice (abundant in the frozen city) over the girl's head, to which I am assured the beginnings of a conversation, usually, "What the fuck?" For the Danes most proficient in English, I've relied on the tried but true, "Do you have any American studying abroad in you?/Would you like some?"

*see Señor Detecto