"Groundhog's Day Celebration More Steelers Pep Rally Than Celebration of Groundhog"

That would be a great headline for The Onion. Hey Todd Hanson, you reading this? I met you at the Midnight Pajama Jam that Eugene Mirman guest-hosted. Anyway, I'll be finished with college after next year, and it would be awesome if I could get a job writing for your satirical newspaper. I've been a fan since that first desktop calendar I got for my birthday, and I even started my own humor periodical in high school modeled after your own. You can get back to me whenever. I'll be... I'll be here.

I'm sorry the rest of you had to witness that pathetic, desperate attempt at post-graduation employment. I am pathetic and desperate, and when I make attempts, they're bound to come across that way.

But seriously, take a look at those pics from Gobbler's Knob and tell me that Punxsutawney Phil wasn't "overshadowed" by Steelers fanaticism! And take a look at that last sentence and tell me you didn't get my well-placed pun! To recap, Phil saw his shadow so it's six more weeks of mild winter weather. But none of that hoodoo voodoo prognosticating marmot bullshit applies here in Denmark. The Danes have a much more legitimate system to predict the future - refusing to apologize for the publication of offensive cartoons in a major newspaper means six more weeks of race riots in Copenhagen. Don't put away those bulletproof vests just yet!

That last joke might have been lost on some of you who have not been keeping up with BBC World News. Here's the scoop - back in September, a series of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed were published anonymously in the popular Danish daily Jyllands-Posten. Turned out to be a big-time faux pas as Danish Muslims took serious offense to seeing a printed image of their prophet. Recently, the author of the drawings was revealed to be a Danish guy and the cartoons were reprinted in newspapers across Europe, so now Muslims the world over are rallying together in opposition of the Danish government which has refused to apologize for the newspaper's actions. Saudi Arabia and Libya pulled their diplomats from Copenhagen, Arab nations are boycotting Danish goods, and the burning of American and Israeli flags has temporarily ceased to make way for a Danish conflagaration in the streets of the West Bank. As Bang Bang observed, this is probably the best time to be an American abroad. "If the Arabs start attacking, just say, 'No no, I'm from America! You want that Danish guy over there... yeah over there, hiding in the phone booth. That guy."

So the Muslims are mad. They're protesting and throwing things and burning embassies. Making matters worse, the conservatives and skinheads in Denmark are counter-protesting the Muslims, further inciting violence. My problem now is, I don't know who to root for. It's like when the Cowboys play the Redskins, but in this match-up, there is no America's Team.

You want my take on this whole scandal? Probably not. All I'm going to say is, I've seen the cartoons, and they're not even that humorous. If the caricatures had been funnier, I'm sure the Muslim community would have been cracking up too much to care. It's like all those Nazi propaganda posters with the fat, hook-nosed Jews holding bags of money and looking sinister - funny is funny, and sometimes you just gotta laugh it off.