I'm sick again. Congested. My ears are all clogged up, and I can't hear much of anything except what sounds like the hum of fluorescent lighting. When I chew, my auditory impairment becomes agitatingly noticeable as the noises associated with mastication are magnified within my skull, turning my head into a veritable Foley studio assigned to create the sound effects for Jurassic Park IV: Here We Go Again. And when I’m snacking on a Wasa cracker (usually accompanied by a cheese topping), it’s as if I’m in one of those Raisin Bran Crunch commercials where the sheer decibel strength of the crunching makes conversation impossible, leading to hilarious if not bloody consequences. Well, there’s no actual blood in the commercials, but a man has a right to dream.

While I suffer and moan, you read more updates! If you would just scroll down… yes, yes, it pisses me off too.