OH MY MARBLES - IT'S THE WINTER OLYMPICS!!!!

Kenya is represented by two African-looking dudes. Makes sense, I guess. But if I were the head of the Kenyan Winter Olympic Committee, I woulda just sent a pack of cheetahs to Torino. It's not as if the Kenyan athletes have a chance at a medal anyway. AND NOW - KENYA! (cue the release of cheetahs) MY GOD! CHEETAHS! AND THEY'RE GOING AFTER TEAM KAZAKHSTAN! And I'd be sitting in my office in Nairobi, laughing out loud and sipping on rhino urine. Laughing, laughing... sipping.

Yoko Ono is making an incoherent speech about peace and imagination. She's wearing dark sunglasses, but it's night time! There's no sun when it's night time! Explain yourself, woman! How many times do you think she has had to start off a sentence with, "As my late husband John Lennon used to say..." That must've gotten annoying after the fifth time. If I were her, I would use the annoying factor to my advantage, to make life more annoying for everyone else. So if I'm at a dinner party, and someone spills red wine on the new carpet, I'd tell him, "As my late husband John Lennon used to say, 'Soak the stain in club soda and dab with a paper towel.'" And later at the dinner party, when the pan roasted pheasant is served, I'd remark, "As my late husband John Lennon used to say, 'Game birds are best prepared smoked over apple wood chips.'" And then after the dinner party, in the pool house bathroom with the young Peruvian butler, I'd assert, "As my late husband John Lennon would say, 'Get a load of that uncircumcised penis!'"

And get a load of this nonsense on the TV - Peter Gabriel is singing Lennon's forgotten body surfing anthem, "Imagine." Kind of an inappropriate tune for the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics, dontcha think? "Imagine there's no countries..." If there were no countries, there wouldn't be any Winter Olympics, or any international athletic competitions for that matter. If I were Peter Gabriel, I'd ditch the bullshit cover and bust into a ripping "Sledgehammer." That'll tear the partial roof off this semi-enclosed stadium!

The moral of this post: If I were other people, I'd do a lot of crazy things.
The mushroom of this post: Morel.