You may have noticed that recent posts have had absolutely nothing to do with my being in Denmark. You wanna know why? Because Denmark sucks! It’s boring! They should’ve just called it ‘Densuck,’ or better yet, ‘Suckmark.’ You don’t believe me? Check out what the gurus at NBC are saying about Denmark’s chances in the Winter Olympiad:

"Denmark is not expected to contend for a medal in Torino. It will have a team in women's curling, in which Denmark took silver in 1998, but performances at the past three world championships (10th, 8th, 8th) don't portend a podium finish."

No portent of a podium finish! Ha! Way to go, Suckmark.

Meanwhile, back in the good ol' US and A, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a guy. Ok ok, listen up comedians. Here's how we're going to handle this one - nobody make a joke. Seriously, not a one. It's too easy, it's just too easy, and it won't be half as funny as the mere fact that Vice President Dick Cheney shot a guy. I know it will take a lot of restraint, especially in this day and age of The Onion and The Daily Show and The Capitol Steps, but you've got to try your damnedest to pull off the ultimate joke - making no jokes at all! You've joked the fuck outta Hurricane Katrina and Tom Cruise and Brokeback Mountain, and we've all heard the one about Michael Jackson (what was that guy thinking?!?!?). But if we all stand together, be you an alt-comic blogger, a late night television writer, a VH1 personality, or Carlos Mencia, and say, "We understand that Vice President Dick Cheney shot a guy, and we need not say or write anything more about it," then we will have truly scored the biggest comedy points at a time when the entire nation is ready to judge us. I see an appreciative perfect 10 from the Red States, an ironic perfect 10 from the Blue States, and a confident perfect 10 from Big Dick himself who will be quietly counting his blessings, relieved that nobody made a joke about the fact that he shot a guy...

That, or we all egg his house.

Either way, Dick Cheney, the yokes on you!