When ya blow at high dough...

I saw the most beautiful woman in the world today, 128 of them. Yeah, that’s how it is around here. I know I’ve touched upon the beauties of Denmark before, but HOLY SHIT I can’t say it enough – these girls are smmmmmoking, and many of them also smoke! Cigarettes! (Hey wouldn’t “Smmmmmoking!” be a great catch phrase? Said really loudly and all drawn out like that?) It’s like an open-air Playboy Mansion over here in Copenhagen, the whole city. Everywhere you go, there are gorgeous women walking around, biking around, sitting next to you on the Metro, catching you shoplifting at 7 Eleven. But it’s better than the Mansion because there’s no 80 year-old clowndog stealing the show. Your only competition are the doofy Danish dudes who all look like body doubles for Sean Patrick Flannery in Powder and the Turkish and Arab guys who in a Danish society bereft of African-Americans have assumed the hip-hop identity and do their best to live the thug life. African-Americans, of course, are different from Africans who do make up a small part of the Copenhagen population, and that difference, of course, is best illustrated in a scene from the Peter O’Toole classic King Ralph when Ralph meets the Sovereign King Mulamboa of Zambezi and tries communicating in Ebonics. But the African king does not comprehend! Rent and laugh. (Two 90s movie references in one paragraph – impressed? By the way, SPF was 30 years old when he played high schooler Jeremy “Powder” Reed in the eponymous film. Some say that’s the magic of Hollywood, but I think it’s plain deceitful).

So back to the girls. They’re hot, right, I told you that. But their hotness can be a problem when the weather is nice like it is now, and the girls become so hot that talking to them becomes impossible. You see them walking towards you, and you want to try to pick ‘em up, try to start a conversation, but that doesn’t happen because you’re too busy muttering to yourself, “Gahdammit she’s so fuckin’ hot. Holy fuckin’ shit, are you serious? Fuuuuck.” It’s the kind of hot that makes you angry, and you just starting cursing to yourself in the face of their beauty, which is weird.

But while the Danish dames continued to frustrate me today, I found solace in the celebration of one of life’s significant milestones. Today, for the first time ever, I confirmed an openly gay kid as my friend on the Facebook. I went to high school with the guy, and he came out during college. Good for him, ya know? Now I’m not saying that I hadn't had a gay Facebook friend before today, I just hadn’t had one who goes around saying, "Hey check me out, I'm gay. Deal with it. Have you seen Capote? Fantastic." Scientifically, if you go by what the scientists tell us about one in every ten people being gay or lesbian and one in every five Jews not really having a lot of money, then I must have a bunch of other gay Facebook friends that I don’t even know about (not to mention all those poor Jews). But this kid who I confirmed today, there’s no denying it. It says it right there on his profile: “Interested in Men.” And that’s when I realized, isn’t that the best part about the Facebook? You get to see which kids from your high school turn out to be gay, and then you can collect on all those bets.