I didn't think I would ever get used to this partying all night long, in parentheses, till the break of dawn. And I haven't. I got outta the bar and the sun was on its way up. What the fuck? You don't even realize how long you spend in these places. Time flies when you're watching other people have fun.

Here are some things I learned tonight:

After you make out with a girl, don't say, "That was pretty good." You've got to say something like, "You should open a booth at the state fair, that was unbelievable." Otherwise, you won't see her naked.

If you're going to ask a girl to dance, don't tell her, "These hips don't lie!" and point to your crotch. You won't be dancing with that girl.

And here's something that all girls everywhere should learn:

If you have a boyfriend, tell the guy before he devotes three hours of his night trying to get into your pants. And if you're introducing a friend who has a boyfriend, that information should be part of the introduction. "This is Janine. She has a boyfriend." Thank you, now I can move on. If you've got a boyfriend, there is no reason to be going out without him in the first place. It's not fun for anyone.