To those concerned about my previous post, I beg of you, please take my comments with a box of kosher salt. Denmark is not sucky at all. It is a magical place of unicorns and whole milk! You want proof? Here are some fascinating facts about the country that puts the "Scandanavia" in "fun!"

Did you know...
- In Danish, pineapples are called "ananas," while bananas are called "ineapples!"
- The height of the Danish people directly correlates to the hours of sunlight in the day. During the winter months, Danes will shrink to a point in late December when their average height is 4 feet 6 inches. As the days grow longer, so do the Danes until the summer solstice in June when some may reach a maximum height of 8 feet 1 and one half inches.
- Denmark's anti-immigration stance and xenophobic government policies have created an atmosphere of latent hostility towards the country's sizable Muslim minority!
- It is nearly impossible to be convicted of date rape in a Danish court of law!

A picture can say a thousand words, but these need only say three: "Denmark equals Funmark!"



Hot Tilbuds! Danes like their hot dogs like they like their women. They have a peculiar way of loading the dogs into their buns - notice the meat plunged directly into the roll like jelly into a jelly donut. This unique method of hot dogging results in a protruding nub that uncomofortably resembles a dachshund's penis. Ashamed of his bestialicious past, Jeff chooses to rip and discard said nub before consumption. Trying to keep it kosher? You're not going to find any Hebrew Nattys in Copenhagen, but that doesn't mean you can't get Jewed out of your money (30 kroner for a Bacon Dog? That's like 8 bucks Canadian!)

Luxury Taxis! Sharing a border with Germany has its pros and cons (for a list of cons, search Wikipedia for "Krauts Gone Wild"), but one tremendous benefit is the relatively low cost of Benzes and Beemers that allows everyone in Copenhagen to cab it with style. Check out this taxi stand outside a gay bookstore in Kongens Nytorv - and no, it's not even the Ritz Carlton of gay bookstores, if that's what you were thinking! While German cars can be had on the cheap, foreign imports are a luxury reserved for only the wealthiest of citizens, explaining why the Crown Prince of Denmark drives a 1982 Chevy Nova.

Beautiful Women! I've blogged about them at length, but now you can see for yourself! I found these two lovelies scavenging for food scraps in an alley behind a fancy restaurant, and I knew immediately I had to post their photographs on the internet. After promises of acting work, I lured them into my windowless van where they posed bottomless with life-size wax figures of famous U.S. presidents (later photoshopped out). Mom, they're not jewish but very nice.

Beautiful Women Wearing Animals! Thanks to the creature crusades of Pamela Lee Anderson Pamela and her PETA pals, American females refrain from rocking the fur the way they used to (for most of the 1900s). But the message didn't make it across the ocean, because these Danish girls loves them some mink... and fox, and rabbit, and what's that animal with the funny ears and whiskers? Notice the legs dangling from this woman's neck - part of me says that's a huge turn on, but another part of me wishes the animals would come alive a la the opening scene of Ghostbusters II. I ain't afraid of no ghosts, but I am afraid of Virginia Wolf and her scarves made of wolves.

Friendly Bald People! In America, a bald man means trouble. He'll cuss you out and cut you down, and he certainly won't let you borrow a quarter for the bus ride home. But those stereotypes don't apply in the Land of the Living! These elderly Danes let me into their homes (I later clawed my way into their hearts) and treated me and Jeff to a never-ending pasta bowl complete with free refills on the libations. It's a good thing they consider Christina to be their granddaughter, or the whole evening would have most awkward and slightly illegal.